I cannot figure out my almost 3 year old, Henry. He’s been driving me insane for the last 3 weeks. Everything is a battle. Whining all.day.long. Calling me names, favorites include “You are stupid mommy. You not my mommy anymore.” Hitting me. Throwing things. And yes, he has received consequences for his behaviors, but apparently they are not the right ones that will get him to stop. By the end of my days, I have felt totally wiped out emotionally. I’m torn between calling Super Nanny or Jerry Springer to be on the show “My 3-year old beats me up.”
What’s crazy is that a month ago I distinctly remember sitting on the couch with him thinking that I didn’t think it’s possibly for me to love this sweet Henry anymore than I did right then. What happened to that sweet boy?
We did a special “Henry” morning on Wednesday. He got to choose the events and what order we did them in. It went like this: feeding the ducks at Tilles (illegal BTW), playing at the park followed by Slurpees at 10:30am. I was hoping this would “feed the meter” with him for the rest of the day and although the rest of the day wasn’t as awful it was still very hard.
The end of last week, I was in a fog. It brought me back to when I have a new baby, the lack of sleep coupled with the emotional wear and tear, leaves me in a fog not knowing what to do. Instead of turning to my dog-eared trusty books, I turned to some wise mom friends.
The only ideas I was coming up with on my own were prayer, making sure he’s getting enough sleep, date time with him, and the holding on to the hope that a switch will flip when he turns 3 on the 21st. My wise moms came up with lots of ideas I’m going to try. Without going into too much detail, these ranged from anywhere from routine Henry time throughout the day, having John be my cheerleader to the boys, some sensory activities, and “yucky” juice for the potty talk. If you are interested in details of any of these, I’m happy to share, just leave me a comment.
September 19th, 2009 at 6:55 am
Jill, I am so sorry. And I know how you feel. Every mom does. Right before I had Daniel a woman I worked with told me that kids will become UNBEARABLE and HORRIBLE right before they make a developmental leap. It’s like their brains just can’t handle it. The day before you post the child on ebay because you cannot take another minute, something will click and they are back to the sweet baby you knew, but now they can recognize letters or speak in full sentences or do the monkey bars by themselves. So far this has turned out to be true. Daniel was moments from being sold to the gypsies (my mom’s favorite threat to me as a child)last month, right before he surprised us all with new found physical coordination and grace. You’re an amazing mom! I hope Henry (and you) finds peace soon.
September 19th, 2009 at 7:13 am
We got the gypsy threat too! Your family doesn’t happen to be Hungarian do they?!?
Thank you for the encouragement – I needed that light at the end of the tunnel. I just love him so much, it’s hard not to get the behavior mixed up with who he is.
September 19th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
ooh jill, i’d love to hear the details about the new ideas you’re going to try. i wish i could be another one to leave an encouraging message for you, but we’re stuck thick in the midst of the exact behavior your described, so instead i’m asking for more details! particularly with our little girl (though some of her physical stuff sounds different than what your little guy does) the whining, complaining, and everything being a battle makes for LONG LONG days here. she’s much more pleasant when i have alone time with her (without her twin) but my one-on-one doesnt ever really seem to “feed the meter” at all. i would love to hear more details of what you plan to try! good luck!
September 20th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Would love to know what yucky juice is. I might start using it with Andy.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:51 am
Sounds like you are going through such a hard time. With all my kids– the two year olds have always been easy—three year olds have been the MOST CHALLENGING age of all. My saving grace has always been the LOVE and LOGIC series… (google Jim Fay love and logic) I always turn to them when kid problems arise. I’m going through teenage stuff now— not so fun. I don’t know which stage is harder- 3 or 13? maybe it’s something to do with the number 3?
:) I’d LOVE to hear more details on what works and what doesn’t!!!!!!!!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 10:04 am
Jill,
I’d love to hear about some of the things you are doing. I hope all is well in STL. I miss the playgroup!
That is so crazy about Henry! Eric and I are going through the exact same behavioral things with Caleb. He will be 3 on the 29th this month and his “issues” just started about a month ago. At first I thought it had to do with the move and then Noah starting school. I’m hoping its a developmental thing that he is growing out of and not into.
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:24 pm
It is actually encouraging that you all are going through this with your kids or have gone through it! I am going to do a follow-up post in the next week and let you know what I am trying out and hopefully report back that something is working!
Thanks for the comments and I’ll keep your little ones in my prayers with Henry..and especially for our sanity.