It’s 9am on Wednesday. An ordinary Wednesday in the middle of an ordinary week. We have a day with no plans and I am fighting the urge to have an agenda lined up. Whether that consists getting something done or planning something. Both tasks I love to do and I find myself planning a lot when I have downtime like today. You see, I plan when I am uncomfortable with not moving. I plan when I can’t handle the mundane. I plan because I want to get over the slowness of a usual day and move on to something more exciting. (I have have an old draft I need to post later that will really get a glimpse of my insane planning mind.)
I would say John hates how much I plan and look ahead. He is very good at living in the now and resting. I think my planning stress him out at times.
With the conviction of my obsessive planning, I worked on being present in the downtime we have today. I lie when I tell myself that I am good about being in the moment. I am not. Especially with my boys, I’d rather watch them play or let them play with each other than to be fully engaged with them. I do play with them, but it’s really challenging for me, I think of what’s next or what I need to do.
I keep coming back to questions like, where else do I really have to be? What else do I really need to be doing? What is more important than right now? For instance, digging through a bizzillion Legos to find just the right piece? To me – honestly I can think of a lot of things, to Henry it was the most important thing right then. It was showing him love to help him find the piece he needed and that’s what I really needed to be doing above all else. So, coffee in my hand, we rocked out to an 80s station on Pandora and sifted through the tiny plastic pieces. And it actually felt good, no need to plan, no where else I needed to be but just right here, right now at my kitchen counter.